Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Please don't follow me, I run into walls...

     I honestly cannot even begin to express how horrorfied I become when someone says they need or want to be more like me. REALLY, you DON'T know what you're saying. I am a huge mess and I'm either hiding it really well or you just aren't looking at the right angle.
    Thankfully, providence has provided me with an insider. Someone brave enough, patient enough (this is a miracle in itself), and honest enough to call me out on the perverbial (and sometimes literal) carpet regarding my haphazard ways. Ok, so I don't drink to excess, I don't do drugs, I don't power shop... so what do I do that is so very dangerous. Well, I rescue people. I put myself in dangerous situations and rescue those who really need to learn to pull themselves up by their own bootstraps and do for themselves.
   Sometimes the rescueing is as simple as taking on an extra task at work. That may not seem dangerous at all. Not at first. But once you've said yes to a few others, your work load increases; you are outside your job description; you are basically working for free; and suddenly the folks who handed off their work to you are getting promoted for outstanding work performance and you are getting written up because you are lagging behind and missing deadlines.
  So, I'm gonna learn to work within MY box.  Stay on MY side of the desk and let everyone else work their own little world.  I will gladly be an ear, but I will not fret over what I can do to save someone from their circumstances, until I have sufficiently saved myself (and my clone) from myown.  See, this is the "healthy selfishness" I had been talking about last year.  Learning to say no for a reason. Learning to say no, because I have already said yes to other things, and it is OK.
  Now if I can just wrap my brain around some of the other wisdom I've been presented with, there is no telling what kind of wonders you'll see posted here in the future.
  Until next time,
this is Dramarella- signing off.....

Friday, June 25, 2010

If your (heart) offendeth thee, pluck it out?

     Today would have been my eleventh wedding anniversary of the marriage that ended (officially) in April. I have felt the weight of a deep, dark melancholy chasing me all week.  My heart has felt heavy in my chest. As if my soul knew- way before my mind registered the day- what was coming. 
    When does grief let you go? Can you go to its alter and pour out a requisite number of tears, and have done? Please? I am weary of the dark,shadowed monster that takes me unawares; shattering my composure and shaking my new found resolve for contentment. There is a lack of control there I cannot stomach.
   Today would have been my eleventh wedding anniversary of the marriage that ended (officially) in April. But now, today is simply one more baby step toward becoming someone I haven't quite met yet. Someone who has learned from the past, embraces the present and is eagerly looking forward to the future...

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

An Priest, a Lawyer and a Buddhist walk into...

    So, browsing through some quotes the other day by Thomas More- and later by HHDL (the Dalai Lama)- I was struck by the similarity of the philosophy behind the words.  Also within this similar vein is the philosophy of Erasmus of Rotterdam (an English Priest also living at the time of Thomas More, and also pressed into service by Henry VIII like More as well).   
   Anyway, I am intrigued.  Interested as to the parallels of these 16th century philosophers and this 21st century Dalai Lama.  Interested enough to consider it a worthwhile endeavor to study. Perhaps to even write more than a few blog entries about. 
All three point to a number of basic, fundamental truths (and I use the word fundamental as in "foundational", not as in "fundi" ala christian strain) of love, respect, giving, generosity, positivity, tolerance and grace.   Interesting.
  I'll keep you "posted".

Friday, June 4, 2010

Sometimes the Clothes Do Not Make the Man

I was informed last night that the mom of a friend of the clones stated, upon seeing me in my goth dudes (Black Tank,Orange Gauze skirt,Black Sandals), that I must be a Pagan. Really?
I could start down a VERY interesting path regarding attire identifying individuals moral and spiritual compass'; but those who would "get it" are probably already halfway down the tunnel with me, and those that wouldn't are in the group that think a woman asks to be raped by wearing a short skirt.

Done Now.