Monday, June 13, 2011

Life Lessons

   Life has a funny way of showing you truth. Sometimes it sneaks up on you and sometimes it knocks you down and obliterates everything else around you, so that you are left with nothing else but you and that truth, staring you down, blowing the dust out of the corners, sucking the air from your lungs.
  Sometimes, someone you have cared about for a long time, but who left you for greener pastures elsewhere,maybe repeatedly, will return. They will come back broken, sad, used up and needy. You may be at a time of your life when their open adoration and worship is welcome. Or you may not. You may be at a time of your life when it all feels a great deal too late. Too clingy. Too much too over the top. You don't need them anymore, or most certainly not like they seem to need you now. And they will begin to repulse you. They have burned up their welcome by the ever continuous yo-yo of use and toss. We are not disposable creatures and we do not come with toss and grab hearts. Sometimes, even though it hurts, like pulling out a really deep splinter, you have to remove them, bandage the wound, and let the scar heal for good. Never to pick at it again.
 Sometimes you come across someone you love. Always have loved. Won't ever NOT love. Still love. Lust even. And you can't have them. Not in whole. Well, maybe not really at all. You're friends. You stay friends and adore each other. And that is all it is. Maybe you aren't happy in the life that you choose. Maybe they aren't. But for whatever reason, they are choosing to continue down that path. You have to respect that. You don't want to. You want to do whatever you can to sabotage the situation and gain what you want. You might sit up at night and think up diabolical plans to win your spoils. Then your ache, the need, becomes just a little bit eased with the lust of greed. That is when the love becomes contaminated with selfishness. And slowly the hint of guilt burns itself up your gullet to your heart to remind you of its presence. To remind you of the original GIFT. Love. So you have a choice. You may be the destroyer and risk it all and in the end perhaps gain what you crave...or you may be the guardian, and wait, and watch and love. And in the end, perhaps, gain only peace. But know in the end you did it for love.
 Sometimes, we are needed. Not as a whole, but in part. An ear; a shoulder; a casual distraction- and we give in- hoping to be needed in whole. Use me. However you need. I'll be fine. (LIER)We are promised nothing. Or often we *ARE* promised, nothing. Promised that nothing will happen, grow, become. Yet we still persevere. Doormat ourselves. Indenture ourselves as if to prove to the recipient that we are so much more, that refusal is futile. How can you turn down this love, devotion, wit, mind, amazing being? How can they indeed. But they do and they will, because they told you so. They told you at the start.
 Sometimes our whole soul gets dried out and brittle and over used and simply crumbles to dust. Undone. Over done. Broken. Used. When life pours out on us. Drenching us in the dusty, drying truth. Sometimes we need to recede from everything and everyone else and simply be...alone. We sometimes need to be our own best loves, best support, best adorers. For whom else but ourselves can we simply trust the best. Trust to refresh our poor, dusty selves into the sweet, supple selves life can use up once again.