Karma(l) apples and oranges

There are things I do in life in which I seriously consider my karmic investment before embarking upon them. And there are other things in life in which I consider my personal investment more dear over my karmic investment, and so, with a fuck karma attitude, I simply dive in, and damn the consequences.   The lesson: I'm still here, people still love me, have not shunned me and I'm not incarcerated, homeless or quarantined. So...so far, so good.

Disposed

Drawn to the magnetic pull of need
Of the delicious syrup of another's want
She sheds her misgivings
She lays aside her trepidations
Succombs. Becomes.
Deep inside there are voices.
The voice of lust.
The voice of arrogance.
The voice of self deprecation.
All guiding. All lighting the dark.
When doubt rises
Pride thwarts the queary.
When love begins its pull,
Charm convinces it to lie fallow.
Pearls of truth cast, sublime.
She continues.
Intrepid in her 'good deeds' wake.
Wonders at the future
The crystal lies dark
She was promised nothing.
                                  -EJV 2012

Just one Poison Apple short ...

   Once upon a time... I believed in the happily ever after, once upon a time, knight in shining armour kind of fairytale romance. And that's what I thought I wanted. That's who I thought I was. The damsel in distress, waiting to be rescued by the knight on his white charger, slaying foes, dragons, and any other bad guys along the way. I'd sort of placed myself in a kind of tower. Having escaped the clutches of a madman, I indeed felt like the damsel in distress. I've always been a dreamer. So when the knight showed up (actually driving a silver Chevy cavalier , kind of ironic...cavalier is a sort of knight...) anyway... I fell, hook line and long blond hair, right from my ivory tower to his feet.
 Eventually the fairy dust wears off. And things aren't always what they seem. I found that I'm not really a damsel in distress, but rather just a damsel...distressed. And I fight my own battles just fine. And I'm beginning to like it that way.
  Faced with the future, sans KISA, I am learning what I want, need, believe. I do not want a KISA. I don't believe in the fairytale. I believe in, well, me. I'm finally learning to trust myself. Trust what I want, what I've always wanted. Trust myself enough to be candid, genuine and open. Enough to take a few steps out that are scary as hell, but true to me. Honest and pure.Trust others. That is huge for me. But also know how to keep my eyes open.  The path may end or turn completely around, but I tread it with my whole heart. And I'm learning that open honesty and trust is something I may have thought I had before, but I never had it like I do now. I was so very repressed before. Hiding parts of myself  because they were disapproved of or unliked. Now I'm a take it or leave me kind of girl. I like me. and those parts of me that might be annoying to others, I KNOW are annoying to me, so I am sure to be way ahead of ya' in working on a fix.
But back to the Once Upon a Time...fairy tales are the exception, not the rule...well, maybe I am my own fairy tale, I've always been counter to the rules.