Say You, Say Me. Say it together, Equally.

   I went red today.
   I didn't think twice about putting the red equal sign as my profile pic,  any more than I thought twice about choosing my NOH8 logo profile pic. 
  I went red today.
  When I saw mentioned that this should be a State to State issue and not determined by the Supreme Court. As if being an American Citizen and Civil Rights were dictated on the State level.
  I went red today.
  I believe that bottom line, every America Citizen has the Civil Right to join/partner for life the one they love and have all the familial, inheritance, fiscal and spousal rights as any other American.
  I went red today.
  When a dear, sweet friend messaged me that he loved me so much because I'd gone red on my Profile Pic. And who got very choked up when I told him my daughter was showing the banner too.
 I went red today.
 I tried to not engage in arguments. I failed a few times. I flushed at ideas I don't agree with, but loved people just the same; as I hope they do me, and scurried on. 
I went red today.
In our land of the free and home of the brave, may we remember all of our citizens. And embrace us all for our differences in the melting pot of equality that made/make this country GREAT. 
Go Red.

The Forest, the Trees, the entire state, planted on a Quagmire

   Today the Arkansas Congressional Elect overturned the Governor's Veto of their poorly thought (if thought beyond control of women even entered into it) out 12 week abortion ban bill. Arkansas now has the strictest abortion laws in the country. Why wasn't legislation such as this brought to the people? This is beyond dictatorial. It is elitist bureaucracy that is single minded.  It is a BULLY  BILL. And it will do nothing that its High Moralistic Title will lead you to believe.
 1) It won't stop abortions. It will simply stop the protection of the the "medical procedure" that they were covered under prior to this law and slide them into back ally, underground "shops".
2) What are the penalties?  Do you throw a woman in jail for terminating a pregnancy? Or do you fine her? What exactly ARE the penalties?
3)  These legislatures that seem so very intent on protecting a fetus, magically forget the rights of the fetus once it becomes a PERSON.  Case in point...This Bill. 
     - the fact that you can receive a longer sentence in jail for harming a DOG than raping a 4MONTH (yes 4 MONTH) Old child. 10 years for the former, 4 years for the latter with no extenuating responsibility for the internal harm done to the child.
    - the fact that our Foster care system discards a person at the age of 18, as if 18 is a magical number and the Arkansas Educational system is so very intense and complete as to provide that person with the skills, back ground and resources to go forward supportless there on.
   - the Arkansas Juvenile Detention Center, where children are abused, neglected and turn out worse than they went in (or dead).
4) In order to stop the "need" for abortion, then education is key. Teach people about why being sexually responsible is important. Why abortion isn't birth control. Why respecting each other is valuable. Why abstinence may very well be the best choice.  But if you choose not to abstain, these are your risks. These are the consequences.  Do not take these lightly.  Seriously it may take time, but truly education and a moral / ethical/ oh-sex with the wrong person could kill me or at the wrong time could give me a baby I'm not ready for mindset to where people THINK first rather than live for the moment is the answer, Not horrific legislation that sends us back to the dark ages, giving other people control over another person's body and then totally disregarding the product of that legislation once it leaves the body they fought to keep it inside of.

When the Wolf Comes Howling at the Door....

...that is code that the Lupus is back full force.  Almost four years of remission. Minor symptoms if any and BAM. HURRICANE FORCE WINDS of a SLAM worth of a FLARE.
   Totally broadsided.  It started with the fatigue.  Then the dizziness.  I knew the anemia was back.
Then the pain. So much pain.  Joints, muscles, even my skin.  Nothing helped.  Nothing I'd tried before worked.  So the depression joined in.  The only thing I wanted to do was sleep. And sometimes, the pain wouldn't even let me do that.
  Right now I'm sitting in bed with the laptop on my knees, leaning against pillows piled against the headboard.  My spine feels like it is made of a rusty goose neck lamp spine ...electric, searing, hot pain shoots up and down my spine, and no matter how I shift, it will still be there. My elbows hurt. My neck is throbbing and sending gut wrenching pain into my left temple and behind my left ear. I'd like to throw up. 
  I could take a handful of pills to try to kill the pain, but it has a 45% chance of working. What has a better chance of working is my mind. Putting my mind into a different place. Focusing myself away from the pain and discomfort. Its healthier, safer and I only fall back on the meds when I'm too weary to over think the pain or it overcomes my ability to ignore it.
 I am so very grateful for my years of remission.  I just don't remember things feeling this tough to deal with before though. Maybe its because I'm older. Or maybe its because it really is tougher.
I'm writing this down because 1) a sweet friend asked me to and 2) I want people to know what Lupus feels like. You can't really see it. Or fybromyalsia. (I have both). But they are terrible, debilitating illnesses that take a lot of effort to meet everyday with, and not give into.
  I have Lupus, it does not have me....no matter how much it feels I am in the Jaws of the Wolf, I am in control of my life and what I let it do to me.