#ificouldiwouldbringback is a trending topic today on Twitter. It made me think of Betty Lee. My grandmother. Whom I miss Terribly. I would most certainly bring her back if I could. I really miss Mama.
Betty Lee has shaped me in more ways than any other person in my life. I am more like her than I am like anyone else in the family(and that is in regards to virtues and vices). I have her sharp wit; sharp tongue; temper; harsh,bitter, unforgiveness (which I try desperately to quell). But I also have her very generous, loving, nurturing heart; her cooking talent; sewing,crocheting(any textile crafts) skills; her crass sense of humor; her strength. Many of these things that grew after she died. Odd that the gifts revealed themselves as her legacy, as I grew into them. Self taught, self mastered, with Mama's sweet spirit at my shoulder, guiding me.
Mama could be very critical. And sometimes that alienated people (even me at times) from her. I see that in myself. I have little tolerance for "perceived" idiots (stupid people) or bad service. I work VERY hard at controlling my first impulse to "cut loose" on these folks wasting my time or impacting my day- and try to remember I'm impacting their day as well.
Mama could also be very generous, loving and was genuinely interested in being useful in the lives of those she loved. I am grateful to own this as well. Having a loving, giving spirit. Enjoying the act of giving better than receiving is a sweet joy and I learned it from the best teacher. Mama could make the simplest of gestures seem like the most wonderful luxury. The memory of one of those very things is my fondest and most missed treasures of Mama.
Me, feeling defeated, or sad or just tired; sitting on the floor by Mama's chair, my head against her knee, and feeling her stroke my head and gently run her perfectly kept nails through my hair. Slowly, drowsily, ever so gently. Just feeling her love and peace and unconditional acceptance slowly anoint my hurts, healing.
Thank you Mama. Thank you for letting me know I was loved. For your gifts. For you. For the legacy of Betty Lee.