Promised Nothing

  I'm an over thinker. I'm also very candid. And honest. Which leaves me the tendency to often share how I feel, after my over analysis of a certain situation.  As I grow (in age, experience and maturity) I find that though I may over analyze, it is sometimes more prudent and often more effective to simply remain silent upon my conclusions and let the outcome simply run its course. No manipulation of logic, philosophy or emotion. Just as it will.
  I am trying very hard to do that right now regarding a situation very close to my heart. My heart shouldn't really be involved. It isn't logical. It isn't zen. It isn't fair to the flow of the impact to anyone who crosses the path to manipulate the "as it will" if you will, with anything but peaceful allowance, short of self preservation. Yet the urge for selfish gain, the urge for demand of now and knowledge of later is sometimes so overwhelming it causes me to want to 1) go against my nature of give and not take; to demand for myself or 2) to just bail totally and toss any glimmer of hope.  And I am a hopeful being.  I will not bail. I must continue to breathe, and without this hopeful situation, breath is not possible.  Even so that kind of unabashed vulnerability leaves me scathed.  I am by experience, distrustful. I am by survival, leery and disdainful of vulnerability in myself and others. My walls do not come down easily.  But in this case my Jericho has met its Joshua. Pray heaven, I may not fall undone.